It's Okay to be Afraid
by ExtravagantRain
Summary: Peridot learns that fear is perfectly okay to experience. One-shot.


Peridot sat on the bench by the window, looking out at the beach. It was a rainy evening, but the rain was the only thing making noise. The Crystal Gems were all in their rooms, and Steven was reading on the sofa.

She looked over at him, examining the child in a very casual manner. He had been the first to trust her, and she felt closer to him than any of the others due to that trust, as well as explaining some of Earth's happenings to her. Such a gesture would have been unheard of back on Homeworld; she would have simply been told to ignore such things and keep working, were she in the presence of other Homeworld gems.

In her time here, she had become...comfortable.

Yes, that was the word.

She had originally thought such a thing to be nigh impossible, given the obvious confrontation between her and the Crystal Gems. She had expected to be treated like nothing but a prisoner shortly after being bubbled and then reawakened, and yet Steven and—to a lesser extent—the Crystal Gems had accepted her as more than that. She had given them information about the Cluster, and was helping them to prepare to either stop it or, in a worst case scenario, survive it.

Peridot shuddered when that crossed her mind. The Cluster. Such an awful thing, in retrospect. When she'd first learned of and studied about it, she was in awe. She admired the genius minds behind such a concept. It was an effective way to deal with a planet that had failed as a colony and been a source of trouble in the form of the traitors to Homeworld.

Now that she had spent some time on said planet and become somewhat accustomed to it and its inhabitants, however, she wasn't so sure it was such a good idea anymore. Earth was...home, now. She had found new purpose here, especially since she was almost completely sure that Yellow Diamond had no intention of coming for her. Deep within her, Peridot retained some small semblance of loyalty to her, but she found that it was waning more and more as time passed.

A loud rumble of thunder shook her from her thoughts.

She let out an involuntary yelp, having not expected it. This attracted Steven's attention, the youth looking up from his book and shifting his gaze to her. Her eyes met his, and he closed his book after marking his spot. She watched as he ventured over to sit next to her, his eyes never leaving hers.

"You okay, Peridot?" he asked.

"Yes, Steven," Peridot said, her voice low and trembling, "I'm fine."

"Well, you don't sound like it."

Peridot sighed. Steven sure had a knack for reading emotions.

"You're right, Steven. I'm not fine. Actually, I'm...I'm..."

"You're what?" Steven asked, worry setting in on his expression.

Peridot closed her eyes.

"I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what? The thunder?"

"What? No," Peridot said, frowning a bit and then immediately letting it go. "Well, a little bit. But that's not what I'm _really_ afraid of."

Steven's brow furrowed, and Peridot could tell that he probably knew what was on her mind.

"You're worried about the Cluster, aren't you?" he asked, hands gripping the knees of his pants and scrunching them up.

"Yes. I'm afraid we might not be able to stop it. I'm afraid that the help I'm giving you and the Crystal...Gems might not be enough." She sighed. "I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my new life. I might have started it off trapped in the bathroom and being a royal pain, but...I've come to like it here on Earth. Here with you."

"Me?"

"Yes, Steven. You're my first...friend. That word feels so strange to say. I've never had a friend before. There are no friends on Homeworld."

"Aww, you called me your friend! That's so sweet!"

Peridot blushed.

"Don't be so sappy about it," she said. "You're ruining the moment." She crossed her arms and looked away. There was still that hint of fear on her face from that angle, however, and it saddened Steven to see.

"But...you know what, Peridot?" Steven asked. "It's okay to be afraid."

"It...it is?"

"Well, yeah. Everyone gets afraid sometimes."

"Why?"

"I can't really explain it. Sometimes, something can be really, really scary, and you don't know why it's so scary, so you get afraid of it."

"I know why I'm afraid of the Cluster, though," Peridot said. There appeared to be a hint of tears in her eyes. "I'm afraid of the Cluster because it could destroy everything I'm coming to know and appreciate."

"You can still be afraid of it even if you know why it's scary," Steven said. "Garnet says fear is an irrational response to something unknown or out of your control. Something about chemicals in your brain. I don't really understand it that much, but I know that I can be afraid, so..."

Peridot was quiet for a moment, mulling this over. She had never experienced fear before arriving on Earth. Her first real recollection of fear was from the time she experienced her first thunderstorm. It was such a strange new occurrence, and the loud, obnoxious rumbling produced by the sky had been more than enough to convince her that the Cluster was emerging, based on what she'd read about it. Steven had done his best to explain how storms worked, though she had maintained some level of confusion, even after he demonstrated how harmless the rain had been.

"Peridot...?"

"Hmm? Oh, sorry, Steven," she said, being brought back to the present, "I was just...thinking about what you said. Are you... _sure_ that it's okay to be afraid...? It makes me feel so...small. Weak."

"Of course I'm sure," Steven said, looking at her with a gentle expression. "Like I said, everyone gets scared sometimes. Even Garnet gets scared, and she's always so cool all the time. Being afraid doesn't make you weak, Peridot. It just means...you have feelings."

"Feelings, huh...?"

Peridot looked out the window at the rain once more, jumping for a second time after an unexpected roll of thunder. She was sure now that Steven was correct in his assessment. Could someone without feelings really experience something such as fear? Pride? Happiness, even?

This line of thought was interrupted by a strange sensation, the likes of which Peridot had never before felt. When she looked towards Steven, she saw that he had wrapped his arms around her in a strange manner that she had seen him do to the Crystal Gems in the past. She'd never asked him before what this was, or what it was about.

Now was as good a time as any, she supposed.

"Steven, what is this you're doing? I've seen you do it before, but I don't know what it's called," she said, the fear in her voice replaced now by apprehension and confusion.

"It's called a hug," he said. "It's something you give someone you care about."

"A...hug?"

"Yeah. Do...do you like it?"

Peridot felt herself smile.

"Yes, Steven. I think I do."

"Good!"

The hug lasted a few more seconds before Steven let her go, and the two watched the rain together. This went on for quite a bit, until the Crystal Gems emerged and Garnet stole Steven's attention away from Peridot.

A while later, Steven bade everyone goodnight, and the Crystal Gems sat in the living room to talk amongst themselves while Peridot watched. Despite this, however, her mind was focused on the Cluster once more.

Her fear was still there, and she surmised that it would be for quite some time. However, she found that she was a bit more...comfortable with its presence, to her surprise. She concluded that her talk with Steven must have abated her initial reaction.

"It's okay to be afraid," she said to herself, low enough so that the others wouldn't hear her.

"It's okay."


End file.
